Stop sharing your pain with people because most of them don’t care about you. Instead, they want to prolong it by rubbing salt into your wounds. They exacerbate your pain with their self-righteous admonition. Typical of what those inhumane people did to that wounded man left to die. The pastor was the first to see him because, of course, he was the leader and is expected to have compassion for the broken. However; he didn’t care to know and to ease his conscience; he passed by on the other side. He was dodging his responsibility while an innocent man lay on the road, possibly taking his last breath. The next in line was the elder. He too, in his pomposity, did nothing but take the other side of the road so that he didn’t feel empathy for him. They thought that not passing him on the same side absolved them from wrongdoing, but it didn’t. They were guilty and if that man had died, his blood would have been on their shoulders.
Then the good Samaritan showed up on the scene and had compassion for the man. He didn’t blame him for bringing it upon himself because he travelled on a road frequented by robbers instead; he jumped into action. First, he bandaged the wound to stem the flow of blood and then applied the remedy of oil and wine to the bandage. And he lifted the wounded man unto his donkey and took him to an inn, emptying his pockets of all he had and making a commitment to the innkeeper to pay for services rendered that were more than the money he left. He was a total stranger, yet he went exceedingly above and beyond to help this person live. This is true love, the love that God expects us to have for each other. We cannot do everything but can do something.
The hypocrites will always point their fingers at you however, Jesus’s arms are always outstretched. He is waiting for you to run into them, where He invites you to rest on His chest and be comforted. It is up to us whether we want to tell Him our problems or enjoy the comforting embrace that is always available for us even if we’re the most foul-mouthed vagrant on earth because God’s nature is love and He will always love us, regardless. Many of us go about wounding people intentionally and unintentionally. We want to straighten others out because we feel it is our responsibility. If we are honest, most of us are not worthy of doing this because sin lies at our door (Gen 4:7). We turn people away from the truth with our brutal pharisaical criticisms. Our Father, God admonishes us to not be a stumbling block in our brother’s way (Romans 14:13-23), when we offend a brother it is very difficult to win him over (Proverbs 18:19-21). https://youtu.be/lg8GyDyXmnk
When we see others doing wrong, let us pray for them instead of stressing them. Only the Holy Spirit knows their heart and their motives let Him do the refining work in them. I remember my late husband telling me that if I had an issue with him, I must not tell him, but tell the Holy Spirit, who will then tell Him. I struggled with this because I saw it as avoidance. As I contemplated writing this article, the Holy Spirit brought to my mind these words. He knew that your judgement was not always righteous and that it would harden his heart. I finally saw the wisdom in this after so many years. When we seek the truth, we will find it (Jeremiah 29:13). Yes, I went to the Holy Spirit but sometimes reluctantly, and He worked on the heart of my giant in many mysterious ways. I pray you will strive for the mastery and the crown of eternal life (2 Timothy 2:5-7). I love you all! https://youtu.be/BY6VAy9y_iQ
Positive social behavior causes enhancement of the welfare of others and plays a crucial function in cooperative social relationships. Among the many processes that help pro-social development is the significance of the child’s attachment to their parents/caregiver. Brett, Cassidy, Gross, & Stern, (2017). Researchers are interested in the connection between secure attachments and broad-based indices of pro-social behaviors.
Current theories and studies have shown that children displayed many pro-social behaviors that were distinct and had definite parallels and developmental trajectories that are characteristic of certain pro-social behaviors, such as comforting, sharing, and helping Brett, et al., (2017). (https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2017-16860-026)
Scientific evidence supports a correlation between secure attachment and pro sociality. However, results differ when it comes to sharing, comforting, and helping. A secure attachment system between infants and parents/caregivers is critical to the child’s development because it provides them with the tools necessary to form safe relationships in their adolescent and adult lives (Brett et al. 2017).
The basic Tenet of Attachment
Bowlby acknowledges the theory of behavioral systems, which is on the premise of biologically evolved neural programs. This method attempted to explain the ability of humans to organize their behavioral responses that enables them to act quickly and cope during uncertain times while at the same time, fuels the desire to survive and procreate. (Carr & Lai, 2018). Bowlby said the biological attachment enables infants to pursue robust, wise, and protective people for meeting their needs, provide security, support, and care, particularly during times of persistent crisis. Whenever people perceive threats or stressors in their environment, their attachment system is set into motion to secure life and property. (Lai & Carr, 2018).
Whenever these structures are inactive, or the absence of the threat of attachment set-up is relaxed, the mental energy renews for other activities. Importantly, security is the aim of such attachment behavior, especially at the looming of danger when no reliable caregiver is available to respond. Thus, the perceived attainment of protection is reduced further attachment-related attempts. (Lai & Carr, 2018). The process of developing security overtime helps to establish an authentic “secure base script,” especially with the issues of coping with threats, receiving help, and controlling negative feelings in future relationships.
Attachment Is an Emotional Bond
A baby’s initiation of closeness in a western middle-class family comes about as a result of emotionally stimulating interactions with reciprocal exchanges and emotional expressions. Hence, the showing of emotions during awkward times (e.g., stress caused by separation and relief and joy upon reuniting with the mother) indicates attachment. This emotional regulation applies to all children globally. Also, the expression of emotional cornerstones, e.g., stranger anxiety, is deemed biologically base and universal (Keller, 2018).
In western textbooks, the anxiety of strangers presumed to start in the behavioral repertoire of a baby at about eight months of age when the emotional connection with the primary caregiver develops. A confrontation with an unfamiliar person in an odd situation can cause distress in the child and generate the attachment behavior of proximity seeking (Keller, 2018).
Cultural documentation from sub-Saharan communities such as the Ivorian Beng or Cameroon is clear that stranger anxiety is absent from the behavioral repertoire of these developing children of the agrarian cultures. Although infants might have been born with the biological tendency to develop the anxiety of strangers, the actual events of concern would depend on contextual experiences (Keller, 2018). Close-knit ordinary farming communities in the non-western world have fewer strangers visiting; therefore, the families do not perceive any potential threats. Also, it is a common practice for parents to socialize infants with multiple caregivers to take on different roles and responsibilities (Keller, 2018).
The Significant Attachment Partner is an Adult
The principal caregivers for babies in Western middle-class societies are adults, primarily the mother with some help from the father and sometimes a grandmother and babysitters. The attachment is specific to the particular dyad (Keller, 2018). This relationship is presumed foremost, and the model for relationships futuristically. This idea resembles the nuclear family model and generational discontinuity owing to the changing dynamics of the western middle-class families (Keller, 2018).
There are multiple social partners for babies in original farming villages, which reflects the assignment of responsibilities within huge multigenerational homes. The mother may play the central role in the caregiving network for a while, since she breastfeeds the child and may also be one of the many playing a role in the relational system (Keller, 2018). Fathers are not actively involved in the early life of the baby; however, grandmothers are critical. Often children are utilized as caregivers of babies. Scheidecker analyzed the social relationships of children during the first four years of life in South Madagascan villages (Keller, 2018).
Upon observation, the peer group of children up to five years of age significantly socially interacted with infants. Although attachment researchers acknowledge that multiple caregiving relationships exist, they have concluded that the different relational experiences result in a similar idea of attachment relationships worldwide. (Keller, 2018)
The conclusion is contradictory to evidence from cross-cultural research that shows that early experience has critical implications for the development and achievements of children. (Keller, 2018)
Disorders Associated with Attachment
Researchers have accepted the view that attachment disorders begin in early childhood and resulting from the inadequacy of their environment. As a result, two separate clinical patterns are developed; emotionally withdrawn/inhibited phenotype, and an indiscriminately social/disinhibited phenotype (Hornor, 2019). According to (Honor, 2019) because of the significant differences in the clinical disorders the 5th edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V,) designated two separate attachment disorders, reactive attachment disorder (RAD) and disinhibited social engagement disorder (DSED), to describe these clinical symptoms. DSED is considered as being overly friendly, approaching unknown adults, inability to recognize danger, and going off with strangers. (Hornor, 2019). For the diagnostic purpose, the criteria for either attachment disorder requires that the child suffered severe social neglect during their early years and have a cognitive age of at least nine months to ascertain whether the child is competent in forming attachments (APA, 2013).
These attachment disorders are somewhat rare. RAD is noticeable in young children neglected children before placement in foster homes or raised institutionally. There is a possibility that less than 10% of these children who experienced severe social neglect will have the disorder. Children who develop RAD had experienced were neglected socially within the first few months of life (Hornor, 2019). Symptoms of RAD develops at an early age between nine months and five years.
In young children, RAD is described as the lack of focused attachment behaviors directed toward a preferred caregiver. Failure to find and respond to comfort when in distress; reduced social and emotional reciprocity; stunted response to others; disturbed emotional regulation, such as negative affect and unexplained fearfulness and irritability even when an attempt is made by a family member to comfort (Mikic & Terradas, 2014; Zeanah & Gleason, 2015) (Hornor, 2019. (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4342270/)
Children with RAD may resort to soothing themselves, becoming socially inept, and display aggressive behavior towards peers (Haugaard & Hazan, 2004). The criteria for the diagnosis of RAD is focused primarily on absent or aberrant attachment behaviors across settings rather than on social behaviors ( Zeanah & Gleason, 2015). The main deficit of RAD is evidence of the absence of attachment behaviors. Therefore, a diagnosis for RAD must include observations of the child’s interaction with their primary caregivers and also strangers. (Hornor, 2019). Some common comorbidities associated with RAD are the delay of language, cognitive delay, and stereotyping. The child may also experience depressive symptoms. Children diagnosed with RAD may have underlying clinical conditions such as stunted growth, lesions on the skin, and hygiene neglect. (APA, 2013) (Horner, 2019).
Contextual Child-Parent Attachment Representation
Within any relationship, individuals can create a “context-specific” attachment schemata relevant to a specific relational partner. Context-specific schemata act as mediators connecting the global and episodic levels of specific by using a top-down and bottom-up approach (Carr & Lai, 2018). Research has confirmed that individuals are capable of developing various context-specifics throughout their lifetime. For example, (school-specific, sports-specific, and community-specific) attachment ties with many relational partners inclusive of parents, close friends, teammates, teachers, coaches, and romantic partners (Carr & Lai, 2018). These connections are the result of their availability and ability to satisfy specific attachment functions (for example, proximity, haven, and secure base) in a given context and at different stages of development (Carr & Lai, 2018).
Context-specific attachment is a schema in which one’s attachment representation with parents mainly differs by context as in sports or school and are reserved and experienced in an emotional and psychological sense (Carr & Lai, 2018). These contextual schemata can involve an interplay between contextual factors, global structures (i.e., a prototypical schema for parents), and episodic interactions momentarily (Carr & Lai, 2018).
Anthropology re-dux: Infant and Mother in Context
Death without weeping, a significant study by Nancy Scheper-Hughes, described the socio-economic context influences maternal attitudes and emotions. She observed three generations of mothers living in poverty in Brazil, where each mother had an estimated 9.5 pregnancies, eight births, and 3.5 infant mortality ( Vicedo, 2017). It is very likely these babies will not survive; therefore, mothers were wary of becoming too attached; hence they did not name the infant or grieve after their death. However, this is a typical example of Western culture ( Vicedo, 2017). Scheper-Hughes concluded that there is no universality in mother’s love and naturally monolithic effect. This challenges attachment theory, because she called for recognition that mother’s love represents a matrix of images, meanings, sentiments, and practices that are everywhere socially and produced culturally.
Other anthropologists revealed that socio-cultural contexts impact parents’ goals in childrearing and, as a result, their practices, including emotional involvement with their infants. Levine et al. discovered that Guidi mothers who bore an average of ten children, the first focus is on their survival and then teaching them submissiveness, in contrast to U.S. mothers whose goal is not compliance. (Vicedo, 2017). In her observation of Samoan family relations, Mageo found that socialization is not oriented towards developing feelings of security but instead encourages separation. ( Vicedo, 2017)
Mothers have different goals that are dependent on their socio-economic status, cultural traditions, and social class and also evaluate their children’s behavior differently. For example, Harwood, Miller, and Irizarry founded that U.S. mothers in the Anglo and Puerto Rican communities of Connecticut had various concepts of what a ‘good child’ is, and these hindered their judgment of their children’s behavior in a simulated odd situation ( Vicedo, 2017). Research has revealed that some mothers disproved of secure behavior and approved of insecure behavior. Weisner also reported that some mothers in the U.S. encouraged their children’s independence; however, that behavior is comparable to the avoidance class in the attachment classification system (Vicedo, 2017).
Criticism of Attachment Theory
According to Keller (2018), attachment theory is only applicable to the Western middle-class. They ignore the caregiving values and practice in the majority of the world. Attachment theory claims to be universal in all aspects. Since universality indicates moral judgments about good and bad parenting, there is the need to address ethical questions Keller, (2018). Sensitive responsiveness in attachment theory was established on a different concept of the person and self than ideas of good caregiving in many rural subsistence-based farming families. Comparing one system to the standards of another ignores the separate realities in different value systems. In families across the world, childcare is prioritized, and their caregivers attempt to give them the best care Keller, (2018). This is especially important because patterns of care are carefully adapted to the ecological situations and social history of the different communities. The universality claims for attachment theory recommending one particular view as best for all children in the world is a stark contrast to the actual ecosocial diversity Keller, (2018). (https://www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.1720325115)
Attachment and Emotion Regulation
Way before either attachment became known, psychoanalysts were busy observing nature and the importance of intimate human relations. The objective of the relationship group, and particularly the British psychoanalytic school’s revision of Freudian theory drive which supplied the momentum for the many attachments and interpersonal relatedness (De Stefano, 2017). Donald Fairbairn’s (1949) famous dictum that the ‘libido is not primarily pleasure-seeking, but object-seeking. A fact that has captured the essence of man’s natural biological drive to establish and maintain close relationships with people who are important to them (Baumeister & Leary 1995). Attachment is nature’s strategy for survival because it involves individuals receiving care from birth throughout their entire life. Survival is the ability of humans to manage and respond to life stressors (Atkins & De Stefano, 2017).
Neuroscientists have speculated that evolution is at the center of the development of the nervous system in humans that is responsible for altering them of threats. Within the midbrain is the amygdala that performs the role of scanning the environment for signs of imminent danger (Damasio, 2001; Ledoux, 2015). Upon detection, the amygdala sends information to the autonomic nervous system, ANS, where an appropriate flight, fight, or freeze takes place (De Stefano, 2017). Another area of the brain is the prefrontal cortex, which can calm or modulate the reaction of the amygdala. The amygdala in humans is complete at eight months’ gestation, while it takes years for the cortex to catch up. Caregiver’s play a pivotal role in the infancy stage, as they must have love, care, and the right social environment, which is essential for the cortex to develop (Atkins & De Stefano, 2017) https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2017-43734-002
From birth, unpredictable processes such as holding, touching, gazing, vocalizing, and playing are crucial for regulating the autonomic nervous system, optimal brain development, affect regulation, and the creation of secure attachment (Porges, 2003; A. N. Schore, 2001, 2003).
Caregivers’ ability to comfort the child when distressed helps to establish secure ties between the infant/caregiver. The interactive, bidirectional communication between them assists the child in developing neural circuits from the amygdala to the cortex, which allows for autoregulation of emotions at a later stage (Atkins & De Stefano, 2017).
The initial dyadic co-regulation of emotional reactivity and negative arousal will not occur without the face-to-face and thus “brain-to-brain linkup” that is shaped by both individuals (Goleman, 2006, p. 4).
Conclusion
Attachment theory originated with Bowlby, who claims that a secure attachment is necessary for a child to adapt to real-life situations in the world. The first few years of the child’s life is the most crucial stage of their emotional development. Here is where they learn to trust by interacting with their caregivers, who are attentive, compassionate, and kind. Adults also benefit from emotional regulation. Some researchers are of the view that attachment is just a concept of the western middle-class. Irrespective of the cultural differences in attachment, it is a critical part of the child’s development and is the primary model for forming secure relationships as adults.
Food transcends all cultures around the world and is at the center of almost everything we do. It is a great way for families and friends to get together and celebrate and socialize at special events such as birthdays, weddings, holidays, anniversaries, graduations, Jewish bar mitzvah, the birth of a child, proposals, college acceptance, annual and seasonal festivities. Food is also very popular at repasts where families and loved ones reconnect and support each other through the bereavement period, business meetings where important decisions are made, office parties, special occasions such as promotions, retirements and just about everything. Food is everywhere and often very delicious.
The fusion of culinary cultures
Migration has brought with it the blending of cultures that have led to the creation of exquisite cuisine from all over the world, which is scrumptious as well as appetizing. Usually, these foods are very healthy and nutritious. However, sometimes it becomes unhealthy, especially if it’s fried with hydrogenated oils, which is bad for the heart. Studies have shown that it can increase LDL (bad) cholesterol while decreasing the levels of HDL (good) cholesterol (Link 2019). Therefore, all things must be done in moderation, as too much of a good thing can produce more harm than good. There is fast food that is loaded with fat and sugar, and many of us eat too much. Hence, the obesity problem is chronic in our world today. In recent times, there has been more availability of junk food and a lack of physical activity which promotes obesity. The pandemic, too, played a huge role in the obesity crisis because people were locked down and forced to stay indoors while our leaders scrambled to figure out what to do. The stress caused by the fear of catching the dreaded plague, coupled with economic uncertainties such as unemployment, food ration, shortage in essential supplies, and people squashing together in tight quarters 24/7 caused tempers to flare, which helped to aggravate the situation. Many people turned to food as a consolation to get them through these difficult times.
Food causes drunkenness and illness
In the book of Proverbs, Solomon cautions us about gluttony, which leads to obesity. (Proverbs 23:1-3, 20-21). Food can cause drunkenness. After consuming large amounts of fatty foods with little or no vegetable which is always topped with heavy salad dressings and consuming large portions of rich desserts laden with sugar and fats, there is the tendency to feel drowsy and fall asleep. A typical example is after eating a Thanksgiving or Christmas because people tend to over-prepare during this time, resulting in an abundance of food.
According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the US obesity prevalence increased from 30.5% in 1999 to 41.9% between the periods 2017-2020. Also, the prevalence of severe obesity increased from 4.7% to 9.2%. Obesity-related conditions are on the rise, heart disease, stroke, type2 diabetes and certain forms of cancer, which are among the major determinants of preventable and premature death. In the United States, the estimated yearly medical cost of obesity was nearly $173 billion dollars in 2019. When compared to the cost of medical care for people with healthier weights, the cost of those with obesity was $1861 higher, which is quite alarming.
Psychology of eating
Many use food as a coping mechanism because it detracts them from facing their real problems. For example, someone might feel guilt, shame, or battling low self-esteem hence they eat the whole gallon of ice cream, and stuff themselves with cakes, pies, puddings, candies, and other rich pastries hoping that these will eradicate the demons that are haunting them. However, they soon learn that this doesn’t work because they notice they are becoming larger from overeating, and it makes them feel worse about themselves. Hence, they eat more, and this sinks them further into depression as they focus on self-defeating words such as you’re not good enough, it is too late to do anything now or nobody loves me. Thus, they continue the vicious cycle of overeating to silence a voice or numb the pain that will not leave because they are using the wrong approach to address this pain. Unfortunately, this can bring about suicidal ideation. They connected obesity to other comorbidities, such as Type 2 diabetes, cardiovascular disease, depression, anxiety, sleep apnea and other chronic illnesses. (Psychosocial burden of obesity)
Unregulated eating is prevalent among those who are obese. Studies have shown that many of those seeking weight loss treatment admitted to engaging in emotional eating while others said they had difficulty controlling portion sizes, and frequency of meals or developed the disorder from their response to societal pressure through the imposing advertisement promoting foods that look good but not always nutritious. Binge-eating is the most popular eating disorder among those who are obese. Binge-eating disorder is described as eating large amounts of food in a short time frame, usually less than two hours. Individuals usually lost control and eat faster than normal until they feel stuffed without feeling hungry and often eat alone. Some individuals have reported feeling disgusted of binge eating.
According to the Harvard School of Public Health (HSPH), the amount of calories people consume directly impacts their weight. When we consume the same number of calories that the body uses, our weight remains constant. When we consume more than we spend, the result is weight gain. They have conducted many studies about how patterns in food and diet protect against heart diseases, type 2 diabetes, and other chronic illnesses. The foods that discourage weight gain are the same ones that prevent diseases. The foods are whole grains, vegetables, fruits, and nuts, while processed food such as refined grains and sugary drinks leads to weight gain. Foods, in their natural form, directly from nature, are best for us.
Exercise is not only a great way to lose weight but improves health, promotes relaxation, good sleep and helps with moodiness and protects against chronic illnesses. Get outside and walk about daily enjoying the fresh air, deep breathing and enjoying the beauty of nature. Start slowly, then increase as you get stronger. Please remember to consult with your medical provider before engaging in any dietary changes or exercises, especially if you are morbidly obese. (HSPH) Prayer is very important in every situation we face in life.
For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds;Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;
We have often heard it said by pastors, theologians and Bible Scholars that we are living in a time in earth’s history where sin is pervasive, hence, it has become necessary for God’s people to pray more. The devil has escalated his attacks on God’s children in every area of their lives. Marriages are destroyed by the minute, homes and hearts are broken, and sicknesses and diseases claim many lives by the hour. It is not a time for God’s people to lie down their guard and allow the devil to steal their purpose and destroy their lives. He wants control of our minds, the powerhouse of our thoughts and emotions. He knows that if he can possess our minds; he has us. Therefore, he will bring sickness, death, diseases, confusion, fear, anger, bitterness and ruminating thoughts that are targeted at intimidating and manipulating us into surrendering to the darkness.
God’s people must be vigilant and run to Him for help when in danger instead of running to others who cannot help us. Sometimes the attacks can become severe and it can become disheartening, hence you might just want to relax and not do anything. Wrong! You are making the biggest mistake of your life. Your house is on fire and you need to strap on your armor; the word of God, the shield of faith, persistent prayers, praise and worship, and trust Him completely. We should also pray for others because God still does miracles and as we press into His presence daily and wholeheartedly, build a relationship of faith and trust in Him. He will answer our faithful prayers.
He knows what is going on in your body, in your marriage, at work, and with your children. He has the answer for all of life’s perplexities, including how to counteract Satan’s attacks. Whatever you are facing today, I encourage you to cling to Jesus in faith. Pray more and you will experience Him in ways you never imagined. Get up and Fight, Fight, Fight! No Retreat!
Seek ye the Lord while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near:
Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the Lord, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.
This quarter we are studying the Book of Job, which exemplifies character, strength, hope, faith, and trust in a divine God. First, he lost his precious children, all his possessions, and then his vibrant health. Worms and sores plagued his body. Many of us might have asked: how could one person have borne so much and where was God in all this? How is it possible that an upright, kind, praying, trusting, benevolent, ethical business person, excellent father and husband suffer so much? What was God doing here? Did He not understand Job’s egregious suffering would severely test his faith? God elected Job to represent His character. Yes, during his weakness, he complained and questioned God, but he never lost hope and faith. He soon learns to accept the truth that God knew what is best for us and wait on Him. (Job 1), (Job 2:7-10), (Job 7)
Is God allowing you to be tested in the fiery furnace of affliction today? Are you questioning Him? It is ok to seek Him because He wants to dialogue with you and show you the amazing end, which could be years. This life brings periods of upturns and down-turns, shifts, and swings, but it is not the time to give up. We must keep pressing towards the mark of the higher calling in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:14). He cannot use us as we are hence it is necessary to put us through the refiner’s fire (Malachi 3:2) to remove every defect in our character to use us to fulfil the purpose He has for our lives. Will you commit your life into the hands of our loving Father who created us, know our hearts and still loves us even when we are unfaithful? (Romans 5:3-4).
Some years ago, I faced a major challenging situation in my life. After three years of intentional prayers, fasts, and spending hours in God’s presence, He finally answered. He instructed me on the action to take. When God says something, it is guaranteed! I gladly obeyed and was amazed because it was too easy. This is the great God we serve. He specializes in impossibilities. My heart was filled with gratitude, thanksgiving, and praise. Out of the effervescence of my heart, I wrote a prayer of thanksgiving to God in my journal. I will now share an excerpt here.
God, you’re grand and awesome. Thanks for answering the faithful prayers of my mother, friends, and myself. It looked impossible from all angles, yet God you stepped in and delivered as no one else could. You parted the red sea and set your daughter’s feet on dry land. I am eagerly awaiting your turning of the next chapter in my life because I dare not do it. I want you to put your seal of approval on it and write it in my heart so that I will not forget it. I want to follow you, Jesus. Slow my pace and make my steps align with yours because I want to move only when you move, not before. Condition my mind and body to know when the time is right and invite me blessed Holy Spirit to grasp your hand and walk the walk of faith into the unknown. A walk powered by faith and trust in you only…… That was ten years ago and it has been quite a journey into the unknown. Sometimes I was lonely, afraid, and sick, but God was always there. There was a time when I was sick to death and He delivered me from the jaws of death. Whenever I was discouraged, His Holy Spirit would often bring me back to my journals. I had forgotten about this prayer until four years ago. He reminded me and I pulled out my journal and read this and was awestruck. We forget, but God never does. I was giving God permission to do in my life what He thinks is best for me.
Although I am still going through intense trials, I trust Him because He never fails to show me the way. Maybe someone out there is struggling and needs to be reminded of the POWER in God’s hands. I pray the peace of God will encompass you and minister to your unique situation. Keep seeking and trusting Him. God bless you all.
Have you listened to your child lately? I would advise you to do so more often because children are smart, authentic, resilient, daring, funny, kind, loving and have the innate ability to spot a fake person. They will go nowhere near them. We all have inner child instincts that warn us when we are in danger. However, we often cannot notice and this results in serious consequences for everyone involved. Do not ignore your children instead, listen to what they have to say because they have valuable insights and perspectives on things that might puzzle you. Sometimes you get a good laugh out of it too. I remember years ago when I was thinking of buying my first car I discussed it with my cousin on the phone. There was a very popular furniture store that was giving away cars as a promotion. Her son, three years old, said mom tell auntie to go there and they will give her a car. It changed the tone of the conversation because we could not stop laughing.
The power of touch
Back in the day when Jesus was on earth, everyone wanted to be touched by Him because His touch was magnetic. It unleashed the healing power that flowed through Him, resulting in impactful healings. Mothers brought their children to Him to experience the power of that touch. The disciples shooed them away because they viewed them as nuisances. However, Jesus rebuked them and called the children unto Him and blessed them. I am sure they were happy kids right there after that experience because they sat on the knees of the king of kings and Lord of Lord while experiencing His power flowing through them.
This week I had a great disappointment, and I wrestled with God about it because it should not have worked out that way. My frustration mounted as I contemplated the next steps. However, I turned up for my voluntary work at 5:00 a.m. the next day because I wanted to be there for the people who needed me. The last person I spoke to was very young and deeply troubled. I spent the rest of my shift with him, which was an hour. We spoke, and I encouraged him while pouring empathy, compassion, and love into his wounds. After what seemed like an eternity, he started speaking positively. His first sentence was I am feeling better, you’re the first person who made me feel important. I felt humbled knowing that God used me to save one of his children. We continued talking on a much lighter note with him, even poking fun at me. He had lost his childlikeness and now it was restored. Towards the end of our talk, we agreed on goals and he thanked me. Then he said these words, “ I know people like us, we help others because we can’t help ourselves. I want you to know that if you need help, it is available”. It choked me up! This child had received grace because I took the time to care and, in his gratitude, he extended grace to me, too.
Children Need Love
Children need love, hence their parents should nurture and love them. Many of our children are wandering around lost and hopeless because we are shirking our godly duties. Do not become so caught up in the business of life that you like the disciples view your children as an unwelcome distraction to your life but see them as a beautiful gift from God. Please parent spend time with your children today, talking and listening twice as much to them. Show them empathy, love, and patience. Fill their lives with joy, laughter, hugs and kisses today!
We owe it to ourselves, our families, friends and posterity to break the negative patterns by choosing to evolve into the person we want to be. It is time for you to take that mammoth leap by standing up to the past and wrestling it to the ground through therapy, prayer and self-help because you’re powerful and strong!
Throughout history, people have grappled with their humanity. They are constantly seeking to improve their lives. As a result, they seek ways to harness their true potential that will elevate them to that realm of social and economic stability. They strive to gain a good education, great jobs, promotions, houses, and cars. However, at the center of this, they want to create strong family bonds with their spouses, children, extended family, and friends while creating balance and stability in their lives. Many have tried hard and although some have accomplished tremendous feats, they still cannot have meaningful relationships with anyone. The answer to this lies within themselves and they must dig deep to find it. To do so we all must ask ourselves this question: who am I? Have you ever stopped to ponder this?
Three years ago, I made a list of questions that I needed answers to and, at the top of my list, was this very question. I had written this in my diary but had forgotten about it. A couple of days ago, while wrestling with emotions, I felt impressed to revisit this question. While I pondered this, the following thoughts came to my mind and I would like to share them with you. We all have a past that is linked to the future we are trying to create. We can only experience real joy and happiness in our lives when we dig up the past, thoroughly investigate every finding and, are willing to attempt to fix anything that is broken.
Many children were abandoned by their parents while some were given up for adoption and they secretly loathe the parents whom they perceive never loved them. Others felt abandoned because their parents were emotionally unavailable or might have criticized them repeatedly. Deep down, there is a longing for that maternal or paternal attachment that was missing from their childhood. As a result, they wander throughout life aimlessly feeling like they do not belong. Hence, they strive to create this sense of belonging by joining groups, creating friendships or even starting a family while relying on them to give them that sense of worthiness. Others have become super achievers just to win men’s empty praises, which temporarily stokes one’s ego and creates a false sense of worth.
Sometimes we will desperately latch onto those who are empaths because of the positive energy they exude which awakens us. This can create an unnecessary strain on them because while they are fulfilling your needs theirs are unmet. Although you thrive on their energy sadly, their needs are ignored because you do not know how to reciprocate. Oftentimes this results in frustrations for the family member whether a spouse, sibling or even friends. You see there is not a single person who can fill the void in your soul. It is your responsibility to take the time to explore who you are, figure out what has caused that void in your life, how it is detracting you from your completeness as a person and get the help you need to steer you towards wholeness.
Some of us experienced severe trauma in our childhood from sexual abuse, physical abuse and psychological abuse. In most cases, this has led to addictions such as alcoholism, promiscuity, drug addiction, food addiction, low self-esteem and suicidal tendencies. Oftentimes, these wounds were inflicted by a teacher, religious leaders, family members or family friends and these have left scars that are buried so deep that even we ourselves cannot find them. Only with the help of a qualified counselor can these traumatic events be uncovered and dealt with over some time. Failure to do this will result in a missing YOU. Why do you continue to live with the altered version of yourself when you have the power to reclaim your individuality?
Despite how we view ourselves, we were created by God who loves and gave us mental faculties that are superior to that of animals. (John 3:16; Genesis 1:26-27) He also gave us gifts so that we can believe, think, dream, create, and live an abundant life that is free from fear and worry.
According to Loa Tzu, the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. I boldly took that first step on July 20, 2021! Although I was not new to social media, there was something different about this one.I was opening myself to the scrutiny of the world and it was terrifying. I bravely uploaded my first post, entitled WHO AM I which was the deep reflection and longings of my soul. As I contemplated, in retrospect, it occurred to me that there might be others around the world who are wrestling with the same question. From its inception, I knew exactly what messages I wanted to bring to the world. I wanted to write articles that invoked deep introspection; messages of hope, faith, love, belief in God and loving Him as we love ourselves and others.
This ministry’s purpose is to bring hope to the oppressed, downtrodden, incarcerated, divorced, widowed, abused, those who are struggling with substance use and alcohol addictions, brokenhearted and the sick who are struggling with chronic illnesses for which doctors can find no cure. Whatever difficulties or challenges you are facing today, just know that your Father, God, and fellow humans who care deeply about you want the best for you and appreciate you.
Let’s not forget that in this life, we will encounter difficulties and pain. (John 16:33). We take the consolation that there will be a new world wherein dwelleth all righteousness. A world where there will be no more sickness, pain, death, separation, isolation, or wars but love, joy, and peace. (Revelation 21). Let’s begin our preparation by taking care of each other until the return of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ!
You, my ardent supporters, and frequent readers are the reason Heartplushands continue to evolve and thrive. Many of you have not only read but shared my posts with others around the globe. It is because of your commitment, despite the many other things which are competing for your attention, that our ministry continues to succeed.
Today we celebrate a monumental milestone, one of boldness, perseverance, and determination. Thank you for your love, prayers and support throughout the year and years to come.
HEARTPLUSHHANDS IS One-year-old!!! Stay tuned, there are amazing things in store!
Our hearts are intricate organs that sit at the center of our chests. They keep us alive daily by pumping blood throughout our bodies as our heart beats. It sends blood, which provides oxygen and nutrients to every part of the body while carrying away unwanted carbon dioxide and waste products. (NHSInform.Scot).
A happy and joyful heart is like medicine. We must agree with the Psalmist David that we are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139.4). We serve a God who took the time to ensure that He gives us everything that we need in our bodies to function and live a healthy life. From our lungs that give us the air we breathe, our digestive organs that provide nourishment from the food we eat and our excretory organs, which play a vital role in removing toxic wastes from our bodies. We would not exist for long without the function of our hearts. Hence, we cannot help but serve God with a heart of gratitude, appreciation, thankfulness, and love.
We were given this amazing gift of life, therefore; it behoves us to think about what our hearts go through daily to sustain us. To show our appreciation, we should take it easy on our hearts by being kind to others. God gave us hearts to love and cherish each other, not to destroy them with cruel hate, bitterness and unforgiveness. When we are nasty, mean, unforgiving and unkind, we not only hurt other people’s hearts but ours too. Because the heart is the seat of all emotions, unhealthy thoughts place undue stress on our hearts, and they literally become hardened and restrict the flow of blood, which can cause blockages and result in death and disability.
Let us choose to forgive the way God has forgiven because to those of us who were given more of us, more is expected, especially those of us who are believers. Our lives are unhappy because we do not love the way God asks us to love Him with all our hearts and our neighbors as ourselves (Luke 10:27). Let your heart be at the center of everything you do. Serve with joy and gladness. This makes our hearts happier, and a happy heart means a longer life. Since you have it in your power to protect your heart, why don’t you adopt a gentler approach when dealing with others? After all, we are one in Christ and there is no segregation, discrimination, or annihilation. He is a God of love, justice, and equity for all His children, which includes you, me, and everyone on this planet. He created us to be a community to help those who are helpless, poor, needy, anxious, afraid, or lost their way. Let us emulate the love of God in our lives today and let others see your heart in everything you do.
I challenge you today to give someone a giant hug today. It could be a spouse, friend, family member or just a total stranger. Let your heart touch someone else’s heart today and let them feel that life force of abundant love flowing from your heart to theirs.
As you contemplate your life and God’s plans for you. May you find love, hope and encouragement in the words of this old hymn below, which I believed were spoken directly by God to Horatius Bonar in 1861 as he marvelled and reflected on GOD and the wonder of His love for us.
God is always attentive to the cries of our hearts when in desperation we call on Him. He wants us to call unto Him and He promised to answer us. Why are we not calling on Him when we are in trouble? Is it because we do not believe or maybe we do not preserve enough in prayer? God is always available. Are you available to spend time in His word, listening to what he wants to tell you? He has an answer to your marital, social, spiritual, family, and financial problems. God’s heart is compassionate towards His children. He wants to provide you with the solution to your problems. Not only does He want to answer your prayers, but He also wants to show you powerful things that you do not know.
God wants to speak to us about our mental health and how it is creating all the issues we have in our lives. Some of us struggle with our finances and live from paycheck to paycheck. While others have bad marriages and poor relationships with their children and other family members and this affects their relationship with God. He wants to provide us with the tools we need to solve our problems. However, we are so burdened with these cares we are not listening to His still voice. Hence, our prayer life suffers because most of our focus is on the wrong things—the problems we want to solve instead of on Him who knows the problems before they started and has the perpetual solution.
Are you disappointed with your life? Are you tired of praying without answers? I invite you to spend a prayerful hour daily with God this week, seeking, desiring, and telling Him all about your problems and listening to the voice of His Holy Spirit speaking to you and directing you toward the solutions you seek. Often it is something that you need to do to receive that remarkable miracle. Ask God to empower you to let go of those things that are hindering you so that you can move forward and possess those things God has for you! Call upon Him now and He will answer you!
Gossiping and lying have destroyed more lives than drugs and alcohol. Knowing this, why do you continue to perpetuate hate through your inflammatory speech? Many of us are guilty of this in our lives. Our churches and society are in a sad state because we love evil more than good. Most times, these scorching lies are brought about by jealousy and envy of the talents, gifts, and blessings that God has bestowed on others because of their faithfulness. Do you know you heap curses upon yourself when you use your mouth to curse instead of blessing others? God hates lies and He will destroy those that tell lies and sow seeds of discord in families, homes, communities, and churches with the willful intent of maliciously destroying others.
Talking might be your gift. Why not use it to bless others? Many are incarcerated around the world. Why not start a ministry and go into the prisons and encourage them or visit the elderly in nursing homes, the broken and depressed, and those who are downtrodden and oppressed, find them and speak on their behalf? Also, some are hooked on drugs. Why not start a community effort to prevent substance use and help those who are hooked on drugs get into recovery?
Today, ask God to guard the doors of your lips so that they will sing praise to Him and encourage and uplift others with encouraging words. Why not surrender and turn your eyes, ears, hearts, and lips to God today?
Father, whether he is a monster, gangster, deadbeat or sweet. He is still a dad. Whether we like it, we are products of our fathers and imprinted with their DNA. I am sure that sometimes some of us wish we could choose our fathers. However, we must be thankful for being here as, without dads, it would not have been possible. The Bible speaks about honoring our father and mother and there is a blessing attached to this; long life. Deuteronomy 5:16
My dad passed away recently, and the news of his death directed a punch straight to the gut. The death of a parent can be very devastating. Guess what? There will be a resurrection day when the dead in Christ will arise 1 Thessalonians 4:16-17.
He was far from being the perfect father, yet as I reflected on my dad, I tried to focus on the few pleasant memories I shared with him. I remember being age two and lying on his chest in the back room where I felt special, safe, comforted, and loved. Later I found out the room belonged to him because it was his addition to grandma’s house. I will forever cherish that memory. He continued to express his love to me by having me sit on his knees, bragging about my smartness and saving the last bite of his evening meal for me. My confidence level soared because dada loved me. He was also hardworking, business savvy, confident, resilient, fearless and secretly I admired his bravado within the community.
However, I started noticing that my dad had a dual personality when I was about 6 or 7 years old. He would come home late, slurring his words, become loud and boisterous and he would break my mother’s chinaware which belonged to grandma, curse, and hit mom. I would freeze in horror as I felt powerless. I believe this was where I lost my voice because I was so afraid of the man I called dad. It took me years to figure out what made my dad so violent during this time, then I started hearing words like drunk, drinking and alcohol. I was terrified of the persona that took him over when he was drunk and often hated what he did to my mother when he was in his state.
Usually, alcoholics have little or no recollection of their violent behavior after binge drinking. Hence, the behavior is repeated each time they become drunk. Drinking doesn’t drown your sorrows away, it shrinks your brain, causing impairment to the frontal lobe, and that damage remains forever, although you might quit at some point. Don’t start drinking because alcohol will damage your life and the lives of those you love. Get high on applying your heart to wisdom by reading the word of God. Do good to others and become involved in community activities such as planting and beautification, as it does great wonders for the body and mind. Join a 12-step program. Go for a hike and redefine your purpose and if you don’t know what your purpose is, ask God and He will tell you! Stay away from alcohol and drugs because they steal the very thing you’re looking for peace of mind, leaving you with destruction along the path Proverbs 20: 1-3.
Alcohol shattered my home and my life because I felt unsafe and was often terrified of my father, the man I once loved and revered. When he was drunk, he looked like another being took him over completely, resulting in physical and emotional abuse. Knowing that my father could hurt me and my siblings, the people he was supposed to love and protect damaged my soul. I secretly resented my father and would seethe in rage whenever he would hit me. My confidence in him shattered, and it took years to rebuild this.
From a very young age, I recognized the need for an escape route to protect me from all the anxiety I suffered and that, for me, was reading. I wanted to know more about life and the world beyond where I lived. Hence, I read everything I could find and often lost myself in the pages while dreaming about what my better life could be. As a result, I became an avid reader, and he started paying attention to this because he felt proud, especially when my teachers told him how excellent my reading skills were. Since he couldn’t read, he would ask me to read the Psalms to him and his business documents. Of course, mom could read but he wanted his daughter to read to live. Hence him. By now he had given up the alcohol and things were calmer at home and I started opening my heart to him again. However, he changed again and this time I didn’t know the reason. My resentment turned to hate, and it was so strong that he noticed it and told me at 15 that I hated him. By this time, our relationship was nonexistent, and I was happy to leave home at 17 with his permission.
Although I was free, I didn’t know who I was because the physical and psychological abuse over the years had shattered my identity. It filled me with anger and rage, which I put to productive use. I started planning the future I envisioned for myself while often spending time alone in deep contemplation. I knew I didn’t want the life I’d left behind and vowed never to go back, no matter how rough it got. I was building resilience over the years unknowingly, and it’s that resilience that has brought me through many difficulties in my life. I still had issues with belonging because my self-worth was below zero. As a result, I encountered many abusive situations along the way. Eventually, I went to college, and this was a huge struggle for me because I felt like a social misfit. Hence, I isolated myself from everyone except one true friend who had earned my trust over the years. At 22, I decided it was time to confront my dad and off I went to see him. It was a Saturday mid-morning, and he wasn’t expecting me. Fears of the past engulfed my mind, and my knees shook violently beneath me. However, I had gone a long way and was determined to find the path to healing from all the trauma experienced, and somehow I felt it began with him.
He came to the door, and I unleashed all my anger on him until there were no words left. He seemed quite calm and composed while he listened to my tirade, which was more like a torpedo. Although scared, I did it anyway. He never said a word and when I had finished, he asked me if I was hungry, and I said yes. Since it was noon, he said it was his prayer time and invited me to pray with him. I knelt at the bedside while he prayed. I don’t remember the prayer, but I felt peace, and I knew that my healing had started. He fixed lunch, and we ate and chatted lightheartedly, and that very day all the stored-up anger and hate dissipated. Some men do not understand the importance of a father’s love for a little girl or boy and how reassuring and empowering that is. No longer did I feel defeated, but powerful. My confidence was restored, and I looked forward to speaking with my father and our playful banter throughout our lives.
When I turned 40, my father told me he loved me for the first time and my heart swelled with love and reciprocity. He even shared the moment we had together that I mentioned earlier. I still don’t have it all figured out, but I know that I’m learning how to stay grounded while creating calm and peace. A place where the focus is on building instead of breaking. A place of strength and boldness. A healthy place where there is deep self-care and deep compassion for me and others.
For every little girl, boy, teenager, man or woman out there who was wounded by their father through substance use, abandonment, psychological and physical abuse, sexual abuse, separation or divorce, I want to assure you it is not your fault. You’re beautiful, bold, loved, and strong. You will get through this because you have a heavenly Father who loved you first and still loves you. (Psalm 27:10) Just ask Him to forgive you of any resentment, hate or guilt and open your mind to forgiving your dad and find that space in your heart to connect with him again. If your father is no longer here, visit his grave or an aunt, or uncle and just empty your heart to them. Cry, pray and do whatever you must do to release yourself from the prison of trauma, bitterness and unforgiveness.
You can’t change what happened to you. However, you can change the way you think about it and how you live your life starting today. I wish you love, peace, strength, inner beauty, and wisdom today, every day and forever. Let the healing begin now because it starts with you taking the first step! I have shared my story. How about you? I would love to hear from you!
